Ben's Stupid Questions
by KandiLips
Summary: What started out as a single, weird question quickly turns into an epidemic of insanity. And it's all thanks to none other than Ben. **ONE-SHOT. Filled with Ben's gift of never-ending craziness. Rated K.**


_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**_

_**Sup, people! Okay, here's a little one-shot for ya. Let me know if you hate it, or like it! (Pleeeease like it, for me!)**_

_**STANDARD DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Don't own any of MOA's work, 'cause the guy won't freaking share! That selfish, selfish man... kidding! No, seriously, I'm kidding- wouldn't want MOA hunting me down or anything...**_

_**

* * *

**_

Nobody's POV:

"Hey, Gwen? Why does toilet bowl cleaner only come in the color blue?" Ben asked with a look of puzzlement as he stepped into the upstairs study room, closing the door behind him.

"I honestly have no clue." Gwen admitted, shaking her scarlet hair back and forth. "Listen, Ben, I'm trying to type a report, so could you..."

"What happens when you put hand sanitizer on a place other then your hand?" The brunette persisted, sucking down on his repulsive salmon, cherry and broccoli smoothie extra loudly.

"It'll burn." Gwen gritted her teeth, her mouth frowning. "Ben, what's up with..."

"If you soak a raisin in water, does it turn back into a grape?" The emerald-eyed boy inquired with a massive grin, knowing that this annoyed her to death.

"_No."_ The girl spat, glowering up at the source of her agony. "Now please, GO." She turned to face her computer once more.

Ben paused for a short moment. "What type of animal is Snuffaluffagus?" The brown-haired boy questioned intently, smiling down at Gwen.

"A fake one." The teen answered with a growl as she whipped right back around; her piercing, green gaze narrowing deeply as she tried very hard not to scream.

"Would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license if I had my legs amputated?" Ben barely suppressed a loud chuckle, his lips curled up at both ends into a little smirk.

"Ask me one more question, and _I'll _amputate them for you." Gwen's voice trembled with rage, and she began her typing again.  
"How important does a person have to be before they're considered assassinated instead of just murdered?" Her cousin asked with a big, goofy smile.

"I'LL SHOW YOU MURDERED!" Gwen roared, leaping up to her feet in a swift, single movement as she reached out for the nearest, heavy object she could find, and chucked it straight at the brunette's face.

Smirking, he dodged it, scampering around the room and ducking repeatedly as his infuriated cousin hurled large textbook, after iron paper weight, after fragile, expensive glass vase that his mother cared about at him. Next, she switched to impelling her bright fuchsia, magic orbs at him, and by that point in time, Ben had sprinted for the door, slamming it shut, and locking it behind him. When he began to hear loud, vibrating pounding against the door that appeared to be Gwen's magic, he asked her yet another question.

"So, uh, Gwen? How much do you think my mom with charge you if you break her expensive door?"

The pounding ceased to exist, but Gwen's cussing didn't.

"I HATE YOU, BEN!" Gwen screeched, but the boy just ignored it.

Snickering to himself, Ben sprinted down the stairs, ready to use his newly discovered power of being able to annoy people greatly on a new victim.

"Hey, Kevin? Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?" Ben questioned seriously as he strode on into his kitchen where Kevin sat, perched in a chair and reading a sports magazine.

"Uhh, because they just don't?" The dark-haired teen replied in an annoyed tone, rolling his eyes. "Why?"

"What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?" The brunette chimed in with yet another weird interrogation, plopping down in the seat right next to his best friend's and taking a huge gulp of his atrocious smoothie flavor.

"Does it matter?" Kevin arched his brow in bewilderment. "Ben, what are you..."

"If laughter is the best medicine, then who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?" The brown-haired boy spoke over Kevin's voice, not even paying any attention to what he was saying.

"Well, _you're _an idiot..." Kevin muttered, staring down at the text he was trying so hard to read.  
"Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do work on themselves?" Ben asked attentively, his eyes wide with curiosity, and an extremely irritating glint of humor filled his gaze.

"I don't know, why don't you ask one?" The ex-con spat, desperately trying to scoot his chair away from the teen, but Ben was sure to follow.  
"Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says 'Not available in all states'?" The brunette was near laughing hysterically now, but with much effort, he held it in.

"Because maybe they're as stupid as you." Kevin clenched his teeth in anger, wanting to smack some seriously painful sense into the kid. "Ben, how many smoothies have you drank today? Ten? Fifty six?"

"If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isn't refrigerated?" Ben smiled innocently and took yet another swig of his poisonous smoothie.

"NO!" Kevin nearly bellowed, sticking his face further into the magazine. "Now, shut up!"

"If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you be stuck at the center forever because of gravity?" The teenager inquired with a wide grin, sucking down on more of his smoothie.

"Maybe not because of gravity," The dark-haired teen growled as he glowered down at the boy with utmost detest. "But _definitely _because of me. Shut... _up._"

"Are dead people buried with their braces on?" Ben continued on obnoxiously_,_ fully enjoying his ability to annoy and not even taking notice of Kevin's threat.

"Let's find out, shall we?" Kevin snarled harshly as he leaped up from the table, raising his fist threateningly as he was very ready to pound the brunette's face in.

"Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs' butts?" Ben chuckled with a smirk, his eyes still glued to his smoothie.

"Tennyson..." Kevin gnarled as a warning, his pitch-black gaze swarming with fury. "Last... _chance_."

But the boy proceeded. "If parents say, 'Never take candy from strangers', then why do we celebrate Halloween?" Ben laughed softly, shielding his face faintly from the ex-con's fist.

"BECAUSE CANDY'S DELICIOUS!" Kevin yelled, using his other hand to grab the hem of the brunette's shirt and to pull him straight up, his feet dangling in the air. "NOW, I'M GOING TO..."

The dark-haired teen abruptly stopped as he caught sight of a frightened and shocked Mrs. Tennyson standing in the doorway out of the corner of his eye, who had just dropped all four of her grocery bags, and he quickly released his bullying grip on Ben's shirt.

"Uh... give you some candy?" Kevin forced a little, innocent smile, his hand instinctively digging down into his pocket to pull out a hand-full of his old Easter candy that was probably stale as he noted the now angry look on Sandra Tennyson's face. "Happy... whatever..."

And with that, Kevin darted for the door, a state of alarm on his mindset.

Confused, Sandra shot a weird look at her son, eying him with concern as she scooped up her on-the-floor groceries. "Ben, what just happened back there?"

But Ben didn't answer her question. No, instead, he decided to ask her a little question of his own. Because Mrs. Tennyson would have to learn the hard way about what had just happened back there.

"Hey, mom? How do you handcuff a one-armed man?" The teen inquired, a familiar look of curiosity upon his face.

"Excuse me?" Sandra laughed, staring up at her son with a startled expression. "I don't know, Benjamin."

"Do English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?" Ben smirked as he inquired.

"Um..." His mother started, her face confused. "I don't..."

"Why do superheros wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes?" The brunette buzzed, slurping his smoothie dry.

"Well, the thing with that is that they..." The woman began, but was cut off, _again._

"What happens when you put a light-saber in water?" The boy challenged, his emerald eyes big with eagerness.

"Jesus, and I thought it was only three year olds who asked this many questions." Sandra muttered to herself with a deep sigh as she traveled happily upstairs and away from Ben to do the laundry. Which was a first, because Sandra _hated _laundry.

And Ben wondered if he should warn his mother about the dangerous, red-headed monster in the upstairs study room. Or maybe if he should warn his Wallmart-bound father about the beyond infuriated, aggressive, dark-haired bad boy that had recently gotten the hobby of kicking over the Tennyson's garbage cans in the front yard.

And that's when it hit him; his _dad_. Smiling with joy, Ben trotted happily out the door, and sprinted in the direction of his father's car, which was currently backing out of the driveway.

"HEY, DAD? DO VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?" The crazy brunette called out loudly to the car, arriving there just in time to catch a last-minute glimpse of his dad, mom, Gwen, and Kevin through the vehicle's window as the car zipped away down the street in a complete hurry, fleeing the insanity and its source.

* * *

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE ENDING:**_

_**Oh, Ben. You crazy, crazy child. You deserve people leaving you. Hah. Okay, hope you all enjoyed Ben's glorious moment of stupid question-asking. And if you did, I'd love it if you reviewed... you know, 'cause reviews ROCK! Alright, later!**_


End file.
